Yuxuan Hu

BA New Media Art with minors in Design Thinking and Computer Science

ARTIST STATEMENT: This is a digital painting that mainly uses black, white, and red. There's a lot of imagery in this painting, like broken things, blood, loneliness. These are my real memories, each one carrying pain in me. I was inspired by a folktale that a revolving lantern will appear in your head when you are close to death, which means you will see all your memory in your life. I suffered from depression a few years ago, and these intermittent memories felt like a thousand knives slicing through my heart.

Since I was very small, I have had big emotional swings about things that most people cannot feel. I have always believed that everything carries its meaning and story, and that the act of being discarded when it is considered "worthless" is a kind of human selfishness. I was regarded as a strange person. I didn’t like conformity, being in a group, but I was also afraid of loneliness. This ambivalence and extreme sensitivity to my surroundings keep me in constant pain. I am not afraid of death, but I carry social significance and family ties. I'm just a carrier full of memories. I am still alive only because my heart is still beating.

Self-Portrait, Digital Illustration